delighted heart

. . . proof that delight in the Lord uncovers the desires of the heart

My Dancin’ Girl May 28, 2009

Filed under: Motherhood — Laura Kelly @ 12:02 am

Tonite I watched my beautiful little princess do her “thang” in her final Dance Showcase (aka dance recital) of the year.  First of all, let me just say, in case you were wonderin’ … that yes, she was the prettiest one there and the best dancin’ babe you eva’ saw!!

But, it just made my heart flash forward like 12 or 13 years, to when she’s a teenager — and all of the stuff that will come with those years.  I’ve prayed many times (since before I even had kids) that I would have as much grace in dealing with my OWN kids as I have had with so many other teens that God has passed through our lives in ministry. There’s this thing inside me, too, that stems from my own upbringing that shoots some hesitation (and even fear, if I’m honest) through my heart.

I remember one night while I was lying on the couch in Sonoma county holding my sweet, sleeping baby girl that this rush of emotion came over me.  That, of course, meant tears.  I just kept pleading with the Lord that she would be spared from some of the emotional and spiritual junk that I had to wrestle with as a young woman.  God clearly spoke to me through a vision in college that I would be the “break” in a long cycle of family dysfunction and disconnect from God. My legacy would be different. One that honored God and redeemed His purpose for the family. But, at that moment, I was overwhelmed by the possibility of her heart hurting so deeply as mine had.

I know God reminded me of His promise in the midst of my tears and pleading because He loves me.  He keeps His promises.  Time and time again, He has shown me that He will never fail me and He is always on my side.  Not only have I prayed since Jr. High that God would give me cute kids (sure did! pray that. and actually get some extremely cute kids!) but I’ve asked of the Lord to help me make choices that would bring Him glory and break the cycle that Satan intended to use to destroy me.  And He’s proven that when I delight in Him, He gives me the desires of my heart.

He has already given me all I need to do the impossible… make those teenage years between a mother and daughter be full of love inspite of the conflict that will come.  Jesus is my Healer and my Strength.  My heart’s desires were realized through marriage and motherhood. That sweet dancin’ babe will continue to be the JOY of my heart, even when we’re tangled up in some teenage drama!  And I will teach her WHOSE Princess she really is and help her to delight in the Lord each day so that she, too, will realize the desires of her heart.

What an amazing gift I’ve been given!  Britton, I love you and am so proud of you!  I absolutely can not wait to see the woman that God has created you to be. I promise to help you discover that woman step-by-step as you dance through each glorious song of life that God gives to you 🙂  Even when the chorus might bring tears…

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okay, guess I am May 22, 2009

Filed under: Mentoring,Truth — Laura Kelly @ 11:39 pm

This blog adventure has proven the theory… I’ve got some perfectionism in me.  I’ve been crazy stressin’ over the way this whole thing is gonna look to the cyberspace world the last few days.  Gotta have this right and that right… well, what does so-and-so dot com’s blog look like and miss thang at blogspot dot com does it that-a way.  AAAHHHH!  Then the man who lovingly puts up with me says (paraphase), “just start and let it all work itself out”. And I think, but someone’s gonna click on the about page and wanna know this-and-that, and it should look all put together when they get here. I haven’t done the about page yet, I don’t have a picture, and on and on it goes.

And I remembered some wise counsel I received as a young wife… “Laura, people come to your house to see YOU!”  My mentor saw right through me and my excuses and spoke straight to my heart.  Marriage, ministry and motherhood have certainly continued to reveal this part of me… the fleshy stuff that becomes an obstacle in my total surrender. The surrender to see myself the way that my Creator sees me.  And He doesn’t expect me to be perfect.

But the fleshy part convinces me that everyone wants to see the mask and cover up what is really going on inside.  Folks, we do it to each other too, don’t we?  Putting on the “together face” at church every Sunday even though we’ve had World War 3 in the car with our kids, lost our temper way too many times the past week, cut people off in traffic, been incredibly rude to some lady at the register who probably had her worst day ever…  And we expect when we ask in the hallway at church, “how are you?” to hear “great”!  We don’t really stop and wait for the yucky stuff.  But we should.

We all know that the friendships that are the dearest to us are the ones where we can just be ourselves, no strings attached. But we continue to buy into the game in our relationships, our marriages, even with our kids.

I know it all started a long time ago for me.  Growing up with divorced parents naturally caused lots of insecurity to grow inside of me.  And the Father of Lies has certainly put in plenty of time to make sure that insecurity rooted itself in many ways.  And those roots branch out into things like trying to look and be perfect. But really, what matters is that I am true to myself and to the woman God created me to be. That’s what matters for all of us.

It’s okay if my kids’ toys are everywhere if you pop by unannounced… I’m a mom who loves and plays with her kids and YOU don’t feel like you have to clean YOUR house when I show up there next time.

It’s okay if I say, “it’s been rough”… and you see that just because I’m a pastor’s wife doesn’t mean that every moment is holy and full of prayer and fasting!

It’s okay if I mess up and yell at my kids… when I say “I’m sorry. Mommy shouldn’t have done that.”  I’m teaching them that they don’t have to be perfect either.

It’s okay if my first attempt at a blog isn’t all purdy and put-together… you’ll learn more about me that way than you ever could with all the bells and whistles.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.   ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9

 

Here it goes… May 21, 2009

Filed under: Random — Laura Kelly @ 3:15 pm

Well, after listening to tons of my friends, my husband, some people I’ve worked for and with, and even a really sweet gal that I don’t even know (via my husband) … I’m doing it… I’m gonna start this blog thang! That sweet lady stranger’s advice was “she’s just gotta start writing”. This certainly isn’t the first adventure that I’ve jumped into completely blind!  And I do love to write, so what could I possibly have to lose?

nothin’

And I’ve learned over the years, that I seem to process life “out loud”… in journals, with a good girlfriend chat over the phone, food, or a cuppa joe, a walk with the hubby or a long talk that uses all the words I didn’t get to use on the little people in my house that day! And he just listens as the words spew out all over the place… he’s great that way!

So, your patience will be required in the first month or two as I get the hang of all of  this… I am quite a novice to all things blog, except that I read plenty of them already.

I hope this is a place where God is revealed and the journey is always focused toward discovery of the delighted heart!